My First Love

God loved me first.

Before I was even born, he knew my name, and he knew yours too.

God loved me so much, 2,000 years ago he died for me, and he died for you.

God loved us before we knew what love was.

I’m one of those women who enjoy a good chick-flick or novel with a cheesy romance. Why? Because there’s a “perfect” guy who loves a woman, inspite of her flaws.

Reading those novels or watching hallmark movies is like eating chocolate because it is an illusion of a perfect world that every woman dreams of – being swept off her feet by an honorable prince who will go out of his way for her.

But what if I were to tell you of a different knight-in-shining-armor; who had no flaws, and loved us so much that he died for us? And he saw us exactly as who and what we are first.

Because let me tell you a secret, we all have flaws. That’s why relationships are hard. There is no such thing as a “perfect” person, except Jesus Christ.

And he loved us first. Love is not a wishy-washy feeling we observe from Disney movies or romantic comedies – it is being intimately and deeply known.

This is why God’s love for us is profound and shocks us to our cores.

This kind of love knows every crevice of our hearts and our minds and created who we are – and sacrificed everything for it.

This kind of love is sometimes difficult for us to accept because, if we are honest with ourselves, sometimes we don’t want to be known… we have fashioned ourselves to become what others want us to be – which allows fear to grow and reside.

Fears of failure,

of disappointment,

of not being “enough”, physically, mentally or monetarily. And inside, we feel lost and can’t believe someone out there is trying to find us.

But He is.

He loves us,

He created us, and He knows our every thought, every wish, and who we truly are – flaws and all.

This kind of love, this is true love.

I’ve been away from Tyler, my husband, for nine months now. It hasn’t been easy, and my husband has been patient with me time and time again. But through this whole process, God has wanted me to re-learn something: he loved me first. And he knows me better than my husband does, and only he can fill my heart with peace and contentment when he is away.

Some nights, I do cry.

Sometimes, I do doubt.

Sometimes, I ask, God, “Why? When will all of this be over?”

My flesh may be weak, but my God is strong. And sometimes, it is OK to not have all the answers.

I think that is the hardest part – Waiting.

Waiting on an answer.

Waiting to know where we are going to live, when I will be able to see Tyler again.

Waiting to know if I’ll be able to find a job wherever we go.

Waiting to experience what “married life” will actually look like beyond a honeymoon and a few short weekend visits.

It’s hard to wait and to be content with not knowing and not having a plan.

But God wants me to depend on him first, not myself or my husband because that is a burden that grows and swells and rattles around until it cracks.

And like an egg, if it cracks, all of the egg white and yolk, or my fears and insecurities and frustrations, will come spilling out.

God reminded me to wait patiently for him while I read my Bible this morning.

“Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:14)

I need to remember God loved me first, and if I have enough faith to trust in his love and his promises, then God has a purpose in the waiting.

God loves us, and he keeps his promises.

Authored by Melody Turner exclusively for ( article is republished with permission from  The text or images of this article cannot be republished, copied or reprinted in any form without written permission from

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